Wednesday, July 16, 2008

fantasy versus reality

A lot of things have crossed my mind recently. I really want to know if there is one person out there that knows everything about you, your likes and dislikes, interests, what to say and what not to say... and more importantly when to say it. I just want to know that someone out there like that actually exists. I feel like that would be the person I would be the happiest with forever. It would just be mind blowing to know that someone has paid that much attention to the fine details, and actually isn't like every other person that looks past them. I guess in reality, no one could be that perfect to know exactly what you want, when you want it. But fairy tales, movies and just fantasizing keeps me hoping, wondering, and wishing that maybe there is someone like that out there.

I am well beyond the obvious mind games, poking and prodding at one anothers feelings hoping you can squeeze something out that doesn't truly exist. But you want it to be there because the thought of one more person you had poured your feelings into and believed in has let you down... just isn't tolerable. Maybe you see that little bit of shining light in that person, those few little fine things you remember you liked about them, that just keep drawing you nearer. That is where I have found myself numerous times. It is just that feeling of not knowing when enough is enough, I guess you just know when you know. When you're honestly done. When your brain and your heart are just tired, and your whole body is just ready to collapse and throw in the towel. My brain and heart lack the intelligence to know when to stop, but make up for it with the capacity to just keep on going, forgiving, and hoping. Sometimes being as forgiving as I am... just isn't as great as you think it would be. People are just so complex that I feel it is nearly impossible to distinguish right from wrong. I just hope that some day someone will know everything there is to know about me. That is the kind of person that is worth keeping around.

I just hope everyone finds what they're looking for.

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